Fear

Fear was the stranger outside
Watching me in the shower
Fear was the monster under my bed
When ever I tried to sleep

Fear was the stalker in the shadows
When I walked in the hood at night
Fear was the man in the dark corners, waiting to pounce, claim my body, suck my blood
Fear was always there you know, waiting there

He was the nightmare at night
Fear was the night
Fear was that feeling of a sand papered hand brushing against my thighs again in the deep of the night
Fear is how I held my breath in so tight
Fear was being to weak to fight
Fear was those forbidden thoughts in my head, to maybe stab him with a knife...
It was crawling into the corner of my bed in flight
Fear was a prisoner of my will as I tried to rub the thought out of my head
Two years later
Five years later
Ten years later

Fear was the coming domination
The presence of a sin we both new was wrong
Fear was the fall
The fight
Fear was embracing the dark marks that decorated my body
It was the dark purple bruises telling me I couldn't tell anyone

Its been fifteen years
On the darker days, I feel his breath
His scent crawls into my skin to remind me I should be afraid

In my coffee, I see his face reminding me hurting me was his pleasure

In the echoes I hear my own inner child groaning
In the unbearable pain of some deep abandoned mine

Fear lost that child's voice and even when life found it, they never voiced that part of him
That part of me

When fear formed, he lost his voice
When he found his voice, fear wasn't lost
It was never fear when they talked about rape
but said mine was a call for attention and I was silenced

It wasn't fear that made rape culture normal because she was female Nonexistent 

(because he was male)
It was fear that made me afraid to live, to breathe, to be
To feel
It was fear that took over my life, my views of people, my memories
my soul
It was fear that haunted me when I saw my best friend's father wearing that same shirt
It was fear that broke me when I saw someone like him on 'People you may know'
Even when you think you've beaten fear
It goes on and beats you best
It finds you in your sleep
Holds you, suffocates you, kills you bit by bit
In your dreams,
it conceals itself in different forms.
And even when it isn't direct,
you know it's there
I could feel it
It slipped itself into everything I did and felt
Now its the fear that may be crazy to someone who wont understand it
Now its the fear of the child next door giving excuses to the 'why its got to be' and why 'they need to be silent'
The fear or of being taken advantage of, sexually.
And maybe we are a little crazy from what has happened to us.

But you wont know this fear until his touched you.


#Fear #Hurt #Rape #Voice #RapeCulture

Rayanne Prince Chidzvondo

Reflections

Staring at her reflection in the mirror, not thinking anything and just staring.
A few minutes later she takes a deep breath and opens the drawer
Takes out a box and observes it for quite a whileq
She takes out a blood red lip color and begins to apply
While applying the lipstick she remembers how exciting dressing up was to her when she was a child
When she was still skinny
With the small waist, smaller thighs
With the right look of perfection
This red color is much brighter to her than now
The bangles in her hand are much more fascinating than what they really are
She recalls the days when she used to steal  her mother's makeup kit, She recalls how her mother used to beat her up as if she had committed some heavy sin
Her eyes were much sparkling when she was a little kid
Now even the coal pencil cannot bring that shine again
She stands up without any emotions, She is as blank as a white paper.
Her long black hair and wide eyes compliment her outfit completely.
Oh how beautiful she looks but something is missing.
There is no happiness on the face of the girl who always loved to look pretty.
She is living the nightmare of most women her age.
How unfair her life is she thinks, with this thought, tears roll  down.
She takes a deep breathe and controls her emotions.
Her room is that of a classic fanciful woman.
Her movement is that of a graceful lady
But for her this is nothing of value for everything she is, is reflected by her face.
This room was decorated for her like this everyday,
Shes the spitting image of broken woman.
She fears she is more scar than skin. More salt than water.
More fat than normal.
With deep dark black chocolate skin
But she ain't gonna make it unless she ain't got that light buttercup skin
Society will fight her because shes no longer the carrier of a stereotypical curvy woman
To say fat don't mean curvy
Nights haunt her, moons scare her.
She hates to be alone
To not also have the touch of a man caress her inner thighs
To not have the touch of a men, whose long hands wrap around her neck as he whispers some sweet words into her ear
Ticklish...
Tick
Tick
Tick
Men frighten her.
For too long, they have rejected her.
Now she knows why her mother used to stop her whenever she said she wants be like her,
Now she knows why her mother cried whenever she hugged her.
These bangles are fetters to her, All the colours are not so happy for her. Her innocence is lost somewhere, she don't even remember when she laughed last without faking.
She is like a body without soul. She is like a night with no moon.
If only knew she was beautiful
An that beauty doesn't always come on tv screens and magazines
So its okay to no be pretty enough
Its okay to not feel the flaws nibbling at the core of ones heart
Its the scars that make us beautiful
Its the scars that turn to silver and gold
Beauty is beyond the mirrors view,
Beauty defeats peoples opinions,because its more than that.
Beauty is learning to be satisfied with self and not comparing yourself to others,
Beauty is loving and respecting yourself,
Beauty is a loving heart,
Beauty is a beautiful soul...
Beauty is empathy,
Its love,
Its a heart that cares,
Its the eyes that see beyond the appearance,
Its the lips that speak peace and laughter and love,
Its the body that feels the beat of good music,
Its simply not enough beauty to reflect on the beauty that doesn't matter

If only she could stare deeper in her soul and say
"Hie, I am an ordinary woman
Certainly no movie star looks
I think I am a bit overweight
And have quiet personality
a bit conservative really.
But I'm sure you will love me"


#Beauty #Truth #Reflections #Poetry #SelfLove #Honesty #Mother #Mirrors

Shades of a fading sun

I know the fires of the sun
Every ray of light life giving
Destroys a little more
A spark for you would devastate my city
Why does passion burn intensely?
Why does it burn the bits and pieces
I desperately cling to?
Why does it let my heart turn to ash?
Its not what I intend
Its not what I need
Its not the world that feels my pain
That my heart becomes the coal
Fire
Fire brings warmth
Fire eviscerates
I guess its just my fate
To be only smoke and memory
As the better parts of me
Burn away
I know the fires of the sun
As it lights the bottom of the ocean
Both are fools to gravities charms
The weight you give me
The way you pull me
Why does passion reach so fully?
Why does love deceive me?
Why is there no skin I know
That isn't marked
By your tattooed name
Dear love

Free

Free

Yes, I never liked life at the moment,
anxiety filled me but I was numb to emotion.
I was ridden with fear, a plague
of what people said affected me
We rarely looked in the past
but the effects stayed,
they seemed to cast shadows
Repeating in my mind
playing over and over all the time
They spoke acrimoniously
and used words unconservatively.
Unknown to them that their words were trenchant
and highly unpleasant
I was usually strong
but the pain caused had carried on too long
Dragged to far
Pained too much
I never cared how people came to
their reason of being
no matter what people sayed, they never hurt! What ever
the time, day or season.
But
I'm tired of hiding who I am.
I want to be free, not live in fear that others
wouldn't understand.
I want to soar into the deep dark blue skies
I want to swim in to the deep dark blue waters
I want to be
Me

© Rye Harbour

A letter to his mistress (Honey, keep the man)

He tells you all his secrets,
he tells you all his lies...
He feeds you sugar that doesn't belong to you...
he has you hypnotized...
Like he had me fooled
All I was is all that's gone
He's a married man with
a family and a wife...
He HAD a happy marriage
until you came into his life
Wena sisi, didn't your mother warn you about woman like you
You listened to him when he needed
you the most...
You think you found him when he was lost
You brought life to his ghost did ya?
You should have known better
than to let him get that closer!
You didn't have to sleep with him
to ruin our happy lives...
you just gave him advice
and made him realize...
He left me and our marriage
because of things you said to each other-
you gave him the courage
to have feelings for another.
To break a vow
A REAL woman doesn't covet another
woman's man...
she tells him to stand up
and do all that he can!
Why would you want him
when he left me for you?
You'd take the chance
that he'd do that to you, too?
We had our share of problems
but you made him see...
you made him believe
that love takes commitment
and he walked away from me.
So now you get the man
who's in another woman's heart...
you get the man who left her
when you should have stayed apart.
Don't you know that difference between
what's right and what's wrong?
You should have stayed away
and not returned his calls.
Shame on you because you did know better!
I talked to you about this on the phone
and now write you this letter.
Sure, we had our problems
until you came into his life,
But that's when he stopped caring
enough to want me as his wife.
But you should've known better
than to encourage his attention--
just a little fact that
I felt I should mention.
Honey, after the past few months
of what I have been through,
I have decided that you can have
him until he tires of you too.
And don't think he won't 'cause when the
going gets tough he'll just run,
place blame at you
and go on with another unsuspecting one.
Then you can face a bitter divorce
and anger and tears
of the man he'll become
who will always switch gears...
Making promises out of guilt
and lies told to placate,
he'll do what he wants
until you decide to vacate.
So have fun while it lasts
and enjoy the ride
'cause your relationship with
HIM will surely die.
So no matter what you do
or if you play to win,
I gotta laugh right now,
'cause Honey, you can have him!'

Prince Rayanne Chidzvondo

Once upon a time

Once upon a time
A nostalgic ending

Hie, it tastes like nostalgia
Only bitter
Are you alright?
And hunger was a giant Hanging people by the neck…
But what the hack
They don't show this shit on TV
But it don't stop the memories from coming back

Once upon a time
Babies, were
Heartlessly ripped from their mothers’ arms,
Held by fragile ankles,
Dangled up in the air like a vendor would declare
"Onions for sale, by two for the price of three and get one mahala free"

Once upon a time, my teacher told me bout genocide "vote for the opposing party,  vote for genocidal intention..."

Once upon a time,
I was a millionaire, billionaire....wait!
WE WERE TRILLIONAIRES in a country that couldn't afford a decent piece of sleep, what, did you think I was going to say, sox?
We wore the sox vana mukoma robbed from the cemeteries,  I knew the black jacket belonged to baba va Tiri who died in the market,  robbed for a bottle of cascade.
They had buried it with him and vana mukoma made a profit from reselling his casket

Once upon a time, all the shops were empty,  what's the point of calling an empty shop a shop when there's nothing you can shop for but just hope for three loaves of bread to stock in your deep freezer and avoid the five hour long queues

Queues
These where the days of unending queues, sugar queues,  petrol queues,  bread queues. Only to be told you're in the wrong queue as if you're a poor beggar applying for a loan.

In hunger we were never alone
Thanks to the mothers who invented jolly juice to sweeten our bread

2008 was a miraculous year
We never heard of miracle money or miracles anywhere
The only miracles we had were the mathematical abilities of vana mukoma
"Bring your money sisi, rate via 1-10 simple proportion"
"Haa bhudhi are you going to rip me off my us dollars? "
"Never sisi, tisu vanhu vacho,  high rate high rate pano"

2008 was a year of
Emotional scars,
That shed red tears,
Fed empty families,
And weaned all our cheers

Our ancestors were our enemies
Post traumatic stress
Out rhythm and blues
Tears our remedies
We were stuck without a clue
We stuck in a god damn queue
Hungary and disease
One way Africa
Then there were those who found something
death by cholera

Anyway I go in this world
They will look at me and see something worth recognition
We are the boys with blood so strong it was made for us
We are the boys with the post traumatic jungle fever and stolen signs
We are Zimbabweans
They symbol of strength even when we are down
The sound of hope even when we are silent
So if ever you meet a Zimbabwean and mistake him for weakness

Look around

ZIMBABWE IS A NATION OF surprise

We may not fight
But we will always survive

Prince_Rayanne

The Wretched Ones

They are not rich.
They have no car.
They have no fat.
They have no dream.
They are not so-called educated persons.
They are not news.
They are struggling for existence.
They have not any exceed of life Which is poison.
They live with their old parents.
They have innocent smile and intuition.
They created their poor houses as rich homes.
They are my celebrities. But I am not communist.